What in the world does 'match my freak' mean? More than you think.
We're all a little weird. Freaky, even.
Tinashe apparently knows that better than anyone else. Her song "Nasty," which debuted in April, has taken over social media. In May, one viral tweet on X asked: "Who are 2 people that actually did match each others freak?" Many pop culture references followed. I chuckled most at this one featuring "Sex and the City" and "And Just Like That..." actress Sarah Jessica Parker as Carrie: "and i couldn’t help but wonder… is somebody gonna match my freak?"
On TikTok, countless videos on the platform show people stitching different clips and versions of the song. "Me trying to find someone to match my freak," a TikTok user captions one video featuring him searching for love in a gaudy, garden landscape. Another shows a TikTok user and her sister with the caption: "is somebody gonna match my freak (my sister is the only human I know whose parents got divorced and then remarried years later)."
Then it hit me. Like many a meme on social media, this trend makes us look inward. Makes me look inward, at least. Aren't we all just looking for someone in the world to "match our freak?" The weirdest things about us often define us.
I know, I know. I'm a "Carrie" from "Sex and the City," this is cringey, blah, blah. But hear me out.
Embrace your freak flag
Maybe you like to watch "Real Housewives" while you get ready for work in the morning. Maybe you take a cold shower after your hot shower. Maybe you listen to the same Taylor Swift album on every run you take or workout you do.
Am I talking about myself? Possibly! Regardless, our little quirks and habits make us who we are, and as long as they are not doing anything that harms ourselves or others, they are worth celebrating. So what if you enjoy eating the same thing for breakfast every day, or check who views each of your Instagram stories, or like to– (OK, got it, I'll stop talking about myself. I have a lot of quirks, OK, many of which I haven't even listed).
Still, it's scary to let someone in to see our freak in the first place, let alone "match" it. Whether it's a friend, family member or romantic partner, vulnerability is something you must practice and others must earn with time and trust. I talk with relationship experts all the time, and if there's one thing I've learned, it's that no one can read your mind. You have to say what you want in order to get what you want. You have to let you freak flag fly, so to speak. Easier said than done, of course.
Seeking professional help might be beneficial if fear of romantic relationships is the reason why someone finds they are remaining single. "If someone is worried and finds social interactions awkward or uncomfortable there are coaches and therapists who can help employ exercises," Courtney Watson, licensed marriage and family therapist, previously told me. "If the difficulty is related to unresolved traumas then again, therapy is a great tool."
The truth about matching love languages
Let's say you work through what you need to, and you meet someone. A friend, a lover, whomever. What does it mean for them to "match your freak?" Is it speaking the same love language? Do opposites actually attract?
It's going to be different for everyone. "If your love languages don't 'match,' it just means you need to be more intentional and aware, but it doesn't mean the relationship can't work," writes Millennial Therapist columnist Sara Kuburic. She adds: "If you are starting to feel your love language isn't being met, it can be helpful to talk to your partner about it. Maybe you're craving more physical intimacy or need to have more alone time with them without your kids. Before the need turns into resentment, it can be helpful to tell your partner how you are feeling."
Matching someone's freak exactly isn't necessary; what's important is finding a partner who respects and loves you as you are – even if who you are is, well, a little weird. "It’s wonderful to be with someone who will approach our humanity and shortcomings with compassion and acceptance – and encourage us to do the same," Kuburic also writes.
I feel lucky these days to have a boyfriend who both matches my freak and complements it. Who points out if I leave pomade in my hair or have a stain on my clothes and doesn't judge me for it. Who will laugh at "Real Housewives" with me, or at least tolerate me talking about it. Who will eat bowl of Cheerios with me in the morning. My friends and family, too, match my freak in many ways, too.
Thanks, Tinashe, for putting that feeling into words. I'm going to laugh at some more TikToks now and embrace the freaky.
