What to do if someone gets you a gift and you didn't get them one? Expert etiquette tips

Quick! What do you do when someone gives you a gift and you don’t have something to give them in return? 

Do you fake it and say you left the present at home?  

Do you say thank you, while your mind is racing to figure out what you should run out to buy? 

Do you say thank you and mean it and not worry about getting a return gift? 

You’re not alone if you’ve been in this predicament. Here's some advice on what you should do.

Gotten an unexpected gift?

According to a new survey by Walgreens, 89% of Americans say they have received an “unexpected holiday gift.” This is even more likely among millennials (93%) and Gen Z (96%). 

Nearly three quarters of those surveyed, or 73%, said they have received a holiday or Christmas gift from someone – and they didn’t have a gift to give in return. That rises for millennials (ages 27-42), to 83%. 

Etiquette tips from the Emily Post Institute 

Even Lizzie Post, the great-great-granddaughter of etiquette maven Emily Post, has had someone surprise her with a gift. 

“We all have this moment,” said Post, an author and co-president of the institute, headquartered in Waterbury, Vermont.

“You don’t want to focus on your lack of gift or your surprise that someone chose to give you a gift,” Post told USA TODAY.  

It may come with age, Post said, “but I get it now. Some people just do this and I think the more that we can let it be OK that people give to us even when we haven’t though to give to them and let it be OK that that generosity of spirit was unplanned.” 

What to do if you get an unexpected Christmas gift? 

The more we stress, worry or create lies when we get that unexpected gift can make things worse, said Post. 

“Saying things like ‘Oh, I forgot it on the counter, in the car, it’s still in shipping’ when you really don’t have anything – it doesn’t serve anybody because all it does is takes the focus away from the moment where you’re receiving that gift and puts it in on your made-up version of what you need to have happen in the moment,” she said. 

What do you say when you get an unexpected gift? 

“You can simply say ‘Oh my gosh, this is so nice of you to think of me. Thank you so much’ and then move forward and it really will be OK.” 

How do you reciprocate an unexpected gift? 

You don’t have to buy a gift in return this year or put the person on your list next year, said Post. 

“It’s really up to you whether this person makes your list next year or whether this is just a moment in time,” she said.

“I don’t want people to feel pressure that all of the sudden a gift means reciprocity. It doesn’t. You really don’t have to. It’s up to you, your budget, your list.” 

Should I have a ‘just in case’ gift ready? 

For some folks, having a just-in-case gift can relieve some of the anxiety of gift giving and it can help to have a gift ready to go, but you don’t have to do that, said Post. 

But Post is a strong believer in picking out gifts with some thought to the person. Stockpiling random gifts or gifts that wouldn’t make sense for the person isn’t thoughtful, she said. If you’re going to have some general gifts stockpiled, like wine, make sure the person receiving it would enjoy it, she said. 

Post said she has utilized Walgreens for last-minute shopping, including same-day personalized photo puzzles. 

“Walgreens makes it easy to find thoughtful, unique gifts quickly with dozens of personalized items available to grab on-the-go at your neighborhood store or via an online order for 1-hour delivery,” said Dale Johnson, group vice president and general merchandise manager of consumables and seasonal at Walgreens.     

Most Walgreens will be open regular hours on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day (9 a.m. to 6 p.m.) and 24-hour locations will remain open. 

Can I regift a gift to someone else? 

Regifting has been a hotly debated topic at the Emily Post Institute, Post said. Regifting is OK, but again, with thought in mind, said Post. 

The gift needs to be in its original packaging with all the parts, pieces and manuals, she said. 

“You can’t give something that’s been half used or only has half parts,” Post said. 

Something that was uniquely made for you or handmade or personalized should not be regifted, she said. 

Lastly, “you really need to be 99% sure that the person who you’re gifting it to and the person who gave it to you are not going to be upset or find out” that you gave it away, said Post. Additionally, some people might find out you regifted and not be upset at all, she said. 

“You truly have to believe the person you’re giving this thing to is going to want it and this is not just a way to get rid of junk and not feel bad about it,” Post said. 

If the person receiving the gift asks a follow-up question about the gift or where to get more and you don’t know, be honest and say it was regifted but you thought the person would really like it and don’t fall into lying about it, Post said. 

Is giving cash as a gift tacky or OK? 

If you handed your friend $20 as a gift, that might feel a little weird, said Post. But if you are tipping someone for a service during the holiday season, it is OK to give cash or a gift card, she said. Typically, the Emily Post Institute recommends up to a cost of the session or service. 

Giving cash as a gift depends on the relationship and situation, Post said. Giving a nephew cash as a gift could seem appropriate, but giving the friend the cash is awkward and suggesting going out to eat might be better, she said. 

Should you bring a host or hostess gift to a holiday party? 

Bringing a hosting gift is a great thing to encourage an awareness around the custom, said Post. It’s a little extra way to say thank you. 

But it is OK if you show up to a party and others have brought a hostess gift and you haven’t, Post said. 

Even Emily Post did not agree with hostess gifts and considered them to be a bribe, Lizzie Post said. 

“One thing we really try to convey to people today is that it is not an exchange” for being invited to the party. Your host invited you to their home, so it’s a thank you, she said. 

It’s nice to bring a gift that “first” time, but if the dinners become more regular, a lot of people drop the hostess gift, she said. 

What to do if someone gives you a bad gift? 

Getting a gift you don’t like is a hard one for people and knowing how to react, said Post. 

She especially advises that parents work with kids to practice their “Oh thank you so much face.” Adults can practice that, too. 

There may also be times when a gift is inappropriate or far too expensive for your relationship.  

“It’s OK to say ‘I really appreciate you thinking of me, however, I don’t feel comfortable accepting this gift,’” Post said. 

“It's important that people feel empowered to not just take everything on if it's if it's not OK and I don't mean like your grandmother got a plastic toy for your toddler and you just gave up plastic. You can regift that and find a way to move that on from your life without telling her ‘I'm going to reject the gift,’ but there are gifting moments and they can happen at the holidays where the boss gets you a diamond bracelet and it just doesn't feel right.” 

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Is it OK to ask for gift receipts to exchange or return something? 

For the close, intimate relationships in your life where you are gifting regularly and sharing wish lists, “it is absolutely fine” to ask for the gift receipt to change the color or size. 

But ask for the gift receipt later in the day and practice your thank you face in the moment, Post said. 

Betty Lin-Fisher is a consumer reporter for USA TODAY. Reach her at [email protected] or follow her on X, Facebook or Instagram @blinfisher.