Subject of 'Are We Dating the Same Guy' posts sues women, claims they've defamed him

A California man is suing a group of women for defamation over posts in a Facebook group known as "Are We Dating the Same Guy?"

Stewart Lucas Murrey of Santa Monica originally filed the lawsuit in Los Angeles County Court in June 2023, and amended the complain in November, court records show. It alleges libel, sex-based discrimination, gender violence, invasion of privacy and conspiracy, along with other allegations.

In a Wednesday press conference published by Fox 11, Vanessa Valdes stood alongside other defendants and said that "we maintain our unequivocal stance of innocence against the unfounded accusations of defamation."

Neither Murrey nor the women suing him immediately responded to USA TODAY's request for an interview on Monday.

Murrey isn't the only man who has sued the women who post in "Are We Dating the Same Guy," an online community whose founder says it is intended to help women safely navigate dating. The men argue that it's unfair.

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California lawsuit seeks $2.6 million in damages against women posting in AWDTSG

The women being sued by Murrey said he is seeking $2.6 million in damages.

"The acts of these defendants are hate-fueled and unrelentless," reads a statement on Murrey's website. "One can name them a female version of incels: 'femcels.' The glue of their group is their hatred of men."

But speaking to press after a preliminary hearing Wednesday, several of the women said they were sharing their honest experiences.

"It's not about men versus women, it's really about the truth versus fiction," Valdes said, explaining she had commented about receiving a "barrage of harassing messages" from Murrey on the Facebook group.

"Myself and my fellow co-defendants were just speaking their truth," Olivia Burger said at the press conference, though she added most women included in the lawsuit had not met him, and some just added a comment or a like to others' posts about him.

Burger said it has taken time and energy to fight the lawsuit, and they have been representing themselves. (The women have launched a GoFundMe to help with legal costs.)

Murrey has also launched a GoFundMe, saying "at least 238 Facebook accounts participated in harming me for over a year."

What is 'Are We Dating the Same Guy?'

"Are We Dating the Same Guy," also known as AWDTSG, is a network of 200 Facebook pages with more than 3.5 million members focused on sharing dating stories and experiences in locales nationwide.

Geared specifically toward cisgender, straight women who are actively dating male singles in the area, the groups cover larger areas, such as NYC as a whole, and more specific locations, such as Brooklyn. Pages exist for major cities and smaller towns and counties.

Arewedatingthesameguy.com also aims to be a resource for women trying to protect themselves in the dating scene, saying: "Tens of thousands of women around the world have told us they have felt safer, escaped a bad situation, have avoided danger, or have been better prepared when meeting someone for the first time due to our communities."  

While the title implies a specific focus on making sure singles in a given area aren't double dipping, cheating or getting caught up in a love triangle, the AWDTSG network focuses on local dating experiences as a whole.

Women post screenshots of men's dating profiles to their specific city's group, asking for red flags or any "tea" (gossip or information) that other members can provide. While similar groups have existed before, the first to specifically be part of the AWDTSG network was created for New York City in March 2022. Generally, posts are supposed to include a name and photo but no address, contact or further personal information.

Since its inception, men's rights groups have targeted AWDTSG as a toxic force, launching Reddit pages and mass-reporting campaigns to get the groups removed.

Similar groups geared toward men, called "Are We Dating the Same Girl," have spawned in some cities as well, such as the Are We Dating The Same Girl? Washington DC / DMV group, which has more than 11,000 members.

The group describes itself as a "place for men to protect and empower other men while warning each other of women who might be liars, cheaters, scammers, or exhibit any type of toxic or shady behavior," though some comments make remarks about the attractiveness of women posted in the group

'Are We Dating the Same Guy' Chicago lawsuit

In January, a Chicago man took his distaste for the groups' premise further, filing a lawsuit in federal court in Illinois against 27 women, one man, and Facebook itself for their involvement in AWDTSG, alleging that a negative post made about him constituted defamation.

The suit, filed by Nikko D'Ambrosio, also alleges the post about him in the group violated anti-doxxing laws and his right to privacy.

The lawsuit likewise alleges that thousands of men have been similarly disparaged, many without their knowledge, and claims posts are not subjected to fact checks. D'Ambrosio has asked for a trial by jury and damages exceeding $75,000 for emotional distress, humiliation, and reputational damage that resulted in lost earnings.

He is also seeking injunctive relief to forbid future posts being made about him. He likewise named several subsidiaries of Meta, Patreon, GoFundMe and the arewedatingthesameguy.com website in the filing.