Ina Garten is opening up about a dark part of her past.  

In her upcoming memoir Be Ready When Luck Happens, which drops Oct. 1, the celebrity chef shared insight into her details her strained relationship with her late father Charles Rosenberg, who was a surgeon, and she recently gave insight into growing up with him.  

“I was terrified,” Ina told People in an interview published Sept. 4. “I was physically afraid of my dad. I literally remember thinking he would kill me if I did something.” 

The 76-year-old—who also grew up with older brother Ken—shared that her mother, Florence Rosenberg, wasn’t a source of comfort either. As she noted to People, “My mother just was unsupportive.” 

In fact, Ina—who previously cited her childhood as why she never had kids of her own—admitted that she spent a great deal of her upbringing isolating herself.  

“If there's a threat of violence, you're always afraid, even when it's not happening,” she added. “So I basically spent my entire childhood in my bedroom with a door closed.” 

Still, Ina noted that “everything” in her life changed when she met her husband, Jeffrey Garten. Now happily married for over 50 years, the Barefoot Contessa host has a more nuanced perspective on her mother’s apathetic disposition while reflecting on childhood. 

 “I wouldn't be surprised if she was diagnosed with Asperger's,” Ina continued. “She really didn't know how to have a relationship, which is why I think, as I've gotten older, having relationships is so important to me.” 

And while she was later able to reconcile with her father—who she noted “apologized in his own way”—before his 2004 death, Ina was never quite able to see eye-to-eye with her mother, who died in 2006.

The doyenne of cooking expressed that “sheer determination” is what got her to her happy, fulfilling life. 

“I just wasn't about to spend my life like that,” Ina emphasized of her childhood. “And I think, a lot of times, people make a decision to live their lives differently and they end up sliding back into what they feel is familiar and I was determined not to do that. And then I met Jeffrey and he just showed me a totally different way to live.”

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