Mom goes viral for 'Mother’s Day rules' suggesting grandmas be celebrated a different day

An Indiana mother is going viral for admitting that she doesn't celebrate her mother or mother-in-law on Mother's Day, but on different days, so she can actually enjoy the holiday for herself.

"This may ruffle feathers," Emily Wehner said in her TikTok that has gathered 2.1 million views, "but, I am the one deep into the mothering right now."

"It's Mother's Day, not Grandmother's Day," Wehner said.

In her post, Wehner said she established the “Mother’s Day Rules” after spending her first Mother’s Day "coordinating grandparent visits" and she didn’t get to do anything for herself.

"I was like 'I’m not doing this again,' " she said.

So now her family celebrates her mother and mother-in-law on different days and they do the same setup for Father’s Day.

“I’m gonna take the day how how I wanna take the day,” she ended her video.

Her mom 'completely understands'

Wehner told USA TODAY Tuesday that her mother is very supportive of the change she's made around the holiday.

"As a mom of three daughters, she remembers what it was like to have really little kids and to often feel spread thin," Wehner said. "She completely understands my desire to shift the focus, for now, to spending the day with my little family and doing something for myself that I otherwise might not feel like I have the time or energy to do," she said.

For this Mother's Day, Wehner's husband made brunch reservations for their family of four and just like she said in her TikTok, she will be spending time solo planting in her garden.

"My garden is one of my happy places and I look forward to planting it all winter" she said.

Wehner is challenging other women to take the day for themselves, too.

"Changing something that has been 'the norm' for a long time can be hard and uncomfortable," she said. "I have found that the best thing to do is be honest."

And if it's ultimately decided that Mother's Day is better shared, then another day can be carved out for mom, she suggested.

Is Mother's Day reserved for 'moms in the trenches?'

The debate about which moms should be celebrated on Mother's Day is not new. Last year, TikTok user @bmcpher posed the question about how to handle the "weird" holiday when all the mothers seem to want a piece of it.

"So when do I, as a mother who now lives near her mother, when do I celebrate myself?" she asked.

Another TikToker weighed in on the "Mother's Day for moms in the trenches" debate saying that the bottom line is that moms with young kids should do whatever they want to do on Mother's Day "without obligation or guilt."

Moms go back and forth in comments section

While Wehner's mom is supportive of divvying up Mother's Day festivities, not everyone agreed.

"When did the younger generation just totally throw us to the wolves?" one woman on TikTok said in a video response. "It's just the moms with young kids that should really be celebrated on Mother's Day? That's just the stupidest thing I've ever heard."

Another poster wrote, "Ya selfish women want your husbands to forget about their moms for you, can’t wait until your kids grow up and do the same to you."

One suggested there there was "enough love to go around for everyone."

"It honestly shocks me that more people don't just celebrate Mother's Day/Father's Day as one big family get-together and celebrate all the moms/dads in one," the user wrote.

Still, many commenters have come to the side of Wehner and other moms of young kids. "I think the problem is that the planning, gifts, kids still all fall on the young moms, so it is just another day full of work. The moms and MILs should come to us, if they can!" one responded.

Another user wrote, "When I had little kids, the whole day was focused on my ex mother-in-law at her house. I had to pack the kids up and drive and it wasn’t fun/relaxing for ME. I’m 52 and want my son to focus on his wife."

"I think when they talk about 'in the trenches' they mean they don’t want to have to travel to everyone else all day, or just go celebrate only ONE mom that day," another mother shared.